Six guidelines that will improve one’s life

There’s a few that I’ve been meaning to articulate as some point of compass for how I’d like to live my life.

I have finally been able to articulate something, and here are a few guidelines of the moment to which I aspire to live buy.

1.Do not be a bitch. Do not be a punk.

Basically what I mean by this is that I want to be dependable, and add value to friends.  I don’t want to be  unreliable, and I don’t want to be someone that diminishes others i.e. someone that is just not able to let others shine.  This can be subtle.  For example consider the following scenarios:

  • You’re with a group of friends and someone tells a captivating story and you immediately jump in to steal the thunder. “oh, that’s nothing. Look what *I* did….” etc.
  • You’re out with a guy friend that is running game on a girl that you also kind of like, but so far he has the upper hand.  It is time to say goodbye, and instead of being a good sport and leaving them alone for their “final” goodbye, you hang around lingering as the third wheel.
  • You’ve committed to going to a party with your boy, and you decide not to go out for no good reason at the last minute.  Because it’s raining or something irrelevant like that.

Basically looking to suck attention away from others to yourself is being a bitch, and being unreliable–not coming through when you said you would is being a bitch, and chronic oneupsmanship is being a bitch.

2. Money? Not a problem.

I am not “rich” at all but I believe finances is about not only the literal physical amount of money you have, but also your state of mind towards it.  I want to avoid a state where my day to day activities are motivated by the checkbook.  That means that I am avoiding  penny-pinching.  It means that if give my friend $20 for $16 movie tickets and he hasn’t given me back the $3 change it’s not keeping me up at night.

Also this means that I’m not dismissing good ideas immediately just based on money.  For example, if someone asks me “Let’s go to the beach in a few weeks”, and I immediately reply or think, “Nah.  I’m broke”.   I am not saying to be careless, but money shouldn’t be the reason that one doesn’t dream imaginatively, and enjoy their every day lives.

Lastly on this note, it’s about freeing yourself from self-imposed shackles.  I figure if one obsesses over dollars, they’ll certainly obsess over thousands or tens of thousands of dollars, so even when you have money you’ll be caught up in the same thought pattern.

3. I am not a woman.

I’m not a female.  Women are different than men (they really are—I mean do guys go to the bathroom in pairs?). I like being a man and would prefer to be generally more masculine than I am feminine.  That means I will not gossip, be moody, be catty, etc.

There’s A LOT more to this, but I’ll leave at this.

4. Pride and Joy in the success of others.

I want to practice being truly happy for the success and accomplishments of others.  This past weekend, I attended a friends debut fashion show, and visited two friends at their new homes.  One had a beautiful 2-garage 4BDR house in the suburbs of DC.  The other had a chic, modern condo right in the City—a great place for a young couple to be.  I was brimming with excitement for all three friends–I was truly proud of them.

If we’re honest, when others succeed, two destructive thought patterns tend to fester.  Either we feel some resentment or hostility for the persons success, or we beat ourselves up for not being ‘good enough’.  Both mindsets are harmful if allowed to take root.  I’m striving to make sure I don’t dwell in either headspace.

I view the success of others as an inspiration, and I am grateful to have close examples of the possibilities that life offers.  Besides, even from a purely selfish perspective, you should want friends to succeed.  If you have friends with money, friends that can open up different social circles from what you have, that are well networked, etc, that enriches your life and offers the potential for future opportunity.   Don’t hate!

5. Bullshit doesn’t concern me.

Basically by bullshit I mean trivialities that don’t matter that we worry about anyway.  Like worrying about the order in which cc’s appear in an office e-mail.   Or wondering if person X will hate you if you don’t invite them to your party—something that’s not under your control.   Worry should be reserved for events that deserve worry.

In this I’m including stuff like celebrity gossip, and entertainment awards, and reality TV.  Mild curiosity is ok—but being emotionally invested in this stuff is really pointless.

6. Nobody’s better than me, but I’m not better than anyone either.

I’m working on not being intimidated by status.  Status can be very intimidating and turn people into supplicating suck-ups.  That status can be from fame, from an authority position, or in the case of women it can be from looks (how many times have we men been guilty of doing something for a girl ONLY because she was very attractive?).   If status intimidates you, the sinister flipside is that by definition, you’d also expect others to bow down to you.   If you think others are better than you then you subscribe to a hierarchical world view in which just the way you see some above you, you see some below you.

How do you treat service personnel?  Do I ever find myself thinking, “I’m above, this person talking to me like that”? etc.  At work when you walk past people of a lower seniority do you ignore them, but always greet people who are senior to you?

These are principles that I’m going to strive to refocus my life on.


The simple life

“Life is hard” or “Life is not easy” we like to say.  It becomes repeated and accepted as fact.  I disagree that it has to be hard though.  Allowing for the reality that sometimes real sh*t goes down (like growing up in a warzone, disease, etc)  often we over-complicate life I think, and a lot of stress is self-inflicted.  Today I’m just sharing a few small things that I’ve done that I’ve found have reduced clutter from my life and allow me to walk through life with lightness and ease.  What about you all? Do you have any tips that have

What follows are ways I’ve made life easier for me:

Not reading reviews or critics: Since I stopped reading reviews and listening to critics, my enjoyment of film and music has increased.  I find movies much more rewarding.  I mean really music/films are either really good, ok, or bad.  That’s it really.  Reading movies before watching a film or listening to music gives you a bias, someone elses bias. Why ruin the movie? In any case many critics miss the boat, Transformer 2 doesn’t need Ebert’s approval.  It’s a movie about giant metallic robots that fight and blowup stuff.  It’s not trying to be an Oscar nominee, and not every movie has to be.  Movie ratings started reminding me about how some guys will rate girls as 8.5 or 6.5 when really the only three ratings are  I really would, I guess I would, or I wouldn’t ha! I’m just playing ladies. Well sort of.

Parking: Park where you want.  Don’t stress over having to park right in front of your destination.  Often people drive in circles for up to half an hour looking for the ideal spot.  I say anywhere within 20 minutes of wherever you want to get to is fair game.  You can enjoy some nice fresh air, or you can catch up on a few phone calls to friends.

Parking Lot

If you just parked at the outskirts and walked, you'll save time and be more relaxed.

Shopping the perimeter: When I go grocery shopping, I just shop the perimeter.  That’s basically the meats, veggies, fruits, and dairy.  I almost never veer into the aisles.  Only exception is to get some ketchup or sparkling water.  Or a unique spice that has run out or that I want to try—I grabbed some Sage the other day, perhaps next time I’ll try some Thyme.  I found that this cuts down the amount of time I do grocery shopping.  Also, intuitively you start to develop a sense of how much food you need and your grocery cost always comes out to about the same price.  Another added benefit of this is you eat properly.

Not eating added sugar or grain or vegetable oil: Dropped these from my diet. Break it occasionally, but 90% of the time I’m not touching it if it has added sugar, is a grain or has vegetable oil.  I don’t count calories.  Eat when I want.  Skip meals when I want.

Reducing my exercises and dropping routines: Related to the above, I do weights once on the weekend, once in midweek.  I do hard sprints/intervals once a week.  Other than that I take random walks of random lengths.  I don’t “run” any more.

Filtering advice: If the person advising me hasn’t done or experienced what they’re advising me on mentally I switch on.  If it’s a friend or family member I’ll be cordial and smile.  A favorite example is someone that has never bought a house advising me on how to get one or why I should get one, as I’m at the age (approaching 30) where there is no end of unsolicited advise on this issue.  If I’m going to listen to someone they must have fruit on the tree.

Hurrying: Nobody is really ever in a rush that you have to dive into a metro. Or let your heartbeat raise your blood pressure.  Unless I’m a tycoon making a $1,000,000+ deal or something.  I’m not promoting carelessness and disregard for others time.  I look to keep time, prepare well, and set off.  But once I’ve done my part it’s out of my hands.

Throwing away stuff: I now regularly and ruthlessly get rid  off any material possessions I have that I do not need.  A piece of clothing has a tear? Dress shoes too old? Furniture? Anything and everything that is not needed gets donated, sold or thrashed.  I’m a borderline minimalist now.  I’m not frugal or a saver though, but I’ve transitioned to quality over quantity.

Ignoring politics: I’ve been really engaged in US politics most the past 18 months, because of Obama’s election, and then the health care reform.  However, for the past couple of months I decided to stop reading political blogs.  The only politics I see is by scanning the Washington Post headlines.  I’d found that reading sites like DailyKos or Redstate were making me emotionally invested into issues that didn’t matter to me.  Plus it got addictive.

Ignoring celebrities: Well relatively.  That means not having an opinion on what they “should or shouldn’t” be doing with their own time and money.  That means not living vicariously through the lives of others.

Wearing only one color of clothing:  Purple.  That’s the only color of clothing I wear.  Everything else is black or grey.  The one exception is soccer jersey’s. I’ll buy all Liverpool, England, and Italy jerseys.  Obviously not all of those colors are grey/white.  I ended up with that because first it’s my favorite color.  Second, it’s made shopping for clothes easy.  If it’s not purple, grey or black I don’t see it.

Not watching TV: There is no reason to be paying for cable.  Really.  The only justifiable thing I can think of is sports, but there are sports bars, friends houses and ESPN3.    For me, in my experience, television encourages mindless channel zapping, which in turn gets people addicted. With internet and netflix, in which you can select what you “must” watch, cableTV really is pointless.

Reality TV = Poison

These are just a few things I’ve worked on that have made my life easier.  There’s still some areas I could improve on.  I surf the internet a lot and check e-mail more than ideal.  I’ll reduce that eventually.   Hope was able to relate to some people, and I look forward to getting some more simplification tips from readers.